Chapter 100: I Am Willing to Let You Go

After changing clothes, Song Chengyi was still nowhere to be seen at lunchtime. It was only rumored that Instructor Song had sent him out for an errand. Luo Yixia wondered anxiously—did he really go to buy that thing for her? The thought alone made her blush with embarrassment.

Shortly after lunch, Song Chengyi returned, carrying a backpack. Luo Yixia’s gaze never left it. Yu Bin asked, “Did you go out?”

“Yeah, I went back to get some clothes. I forgot to bring them,” Song Chengyi replied quietly.

“Oh.”

Song Chengyi suddenly looked up, meeting Luo Yixia’s eyes. Both turned away, awkward and embarrassed. Luo Yixia felt self-conscious, and Song Chengyi was uncomfortable—imagine, a grown man going to buy such things. He thought he must have lost his mind. He could hardly believe that he would ever buy those for a girl.

When everyone was tidying up and preparing to rest, Song Chengyi tossed the backpack to Luo Yixia, then returned to his tent. Gan Yanyan, Yu Bin, and Chen Nan all witnessed this scene, but each turned away, pretending not to notice.

Luo Yixia cradled the backpack carefully. Seeing that everyone was occupied with their own tasks and nobody was paying her any attention, she slipped into her tent. Opening the backpack, her face flushed deep red—it really was in there. In fact, he’d bought two packs; she couldn’t possibly use that many.

She felt a little ridiculous, then discovered packets of brown sugar, warm packs, and even snacks—crisps and the like. Had Song Chengyi finally figured out what she needed? He’d even bought her snacks.

Luo Yixia hugged the backpack, delighted. When Gan Yanyan entered, she said nothing and prepared to crawl into her sleeping bag. Luo Yixia took out half the snacks and gently shook her friend, “Here, something tasty for you.”

Gan Yanyan was surprised. “Where did you get these?”

“I snuck them into my backpack ages ago and forgot about them. I just found them,” Luo Yixia replied with a smile, handing over the treats.

Gan Yanyan felt a pang in her heart. Without asking, she knew Song Chengyi must have bought them, but she hadn’t expected Luo Yixia to share. She’d been a little angry before, feeling useless as a matchmaker, oddly resentful—especially seeing how well Song Chengyi treated Luo Yixia. Gan Yanyan couldn’t help but feel jealous, even annoyed; if Luo Yixia really regarded her as a good friend, she should have confided in her.

But nothing had been said. Now, seeing Luo Yixia willing to share, she felt warmth blossom in her chest. Girls are like that—angry for no reason, but quick to reconcile.

“Thank you, Xia Xia,” Gan Yanyan accepted the snacks.

“Haha, no need to be polite,” Luo Yixia laughed.

That afternoon, after drinking brown sugar water, Luo Yixia felt much better.

That night, it was Luo Yixia’s turn for the night watch. Most people had already left, but Song Chengyi remained by the fire, with no intention of leaving. Seeing that no one else was around, Luo Yixia whispered, “You should go rest.”

“I’ll keep watch for you. You’re not feeling well,” Song Chengyi frowned at her.

“I’m fine now, really,” Luo Yixia shook her head. “Go rest.”

“I’ll stay with you,” Song Chengyi sat down, refusing to leave.

Seeing he was determined, Luo Yixia stopped protesting.

“Did you come into my tent last night?” she asked, turning her head.

She had sensed his presence beside her, half-awake, half-dreaming, and thought she’d seen him.

“I went in to check on you.”

“Did anyone see?” Luo Yixia asked anxiously.

“Gan Yanyan was asleep,” Song Chengyi paused, but answered.

“That’s good,” she breathed a sigh of relief.

Luo Yixia reached out to warm her hands by the fire. Song Chengyi sat quietly beside her.

She bit her lip. “Um… thank you for today…”

“Mm.” Song Chengyi answered softly.

“Do you think Gan Yanyan noticed anything? She’s been acting strange lately, speaking oddly sometimes. I feel like she’s figured something out, but she’s the impulsive type—if she knew, she’d have said so already.” Luo Yixia remained puzzled.

“Are you so afraid others will find out about us?” Song Chengyi suddenly asked.

Luo Yixia was stunned… Was she afraid? Yes… she didn’t want anyone to know.

She lowered her head, silent.

“I understand,” Song Chengyi sighed, seeing her silence as an answer.

“I’m scared… that I’ll embarrass you,” Luo Yixia said softly, head bowed.

“I don’t mind,” Song Chengyi admitted; he’d known all along.

“But I do. There are so many people better than me, prettier than me, and I…”

Song Chengyi gazed at her, feeling uneasy.

“Honestly, these past two months I’ve been content. You know I’ve always pestered you shamelessly. These two months have been happy—you’ve been good to me, Aunt Zhou and Uncle Song have been good to me… but it all feels unreal,” Luo Yixia stared into the flickering fire, its light reflected in her eyes.

“Unreal?” Song Chengyi murmured, as if asking her, or himself.

“We’re in a fake marriage, aren’t we?” Luo Yixia smiled at him, but her smile was bitter.

Her words left Song Chengyi speechless.

A fake marriage… His heart... Lately, he’d grown more certain of his feelings for Luo Yixia, but confronted by her question, he hesitated.

“I know you just want to take responsibility for me. I know it’s late to say this, but I’m willing to let you go. If you say the word, I’ll divorce you right away.” Luo Yixia spoke with resolve. No one knew what she felt as she said it.

Song Chengyi looked at her in disbelief, then suddenly smiled. “Do you know why I’ve always disliked you? Seems I’ve been presumptuous all along.”

With that, he rose and left.

Luo Yixia didn’t turn back, but listened to his footsteps, knowing he’d returned to his tent. She clenched her fists, hugged her knees, and buried her face.

Why did she dislike herself so much… Why did she love him so deeply…

There’s no fairness in love; once you choose to love, you’ve lost the battle.

Luo Yixia blamed no one. Song Chengyi hadn’t done anything wrong—he simply didn’t love her.

Perhaps he had been too kind lately, making her believe he might care for her.

But Luo Yixia had loved him for more than ten years.

Even she couldn’t recall when it began—only that, in her memory, she’d always liked the boy next door.

She lifted her head.

Her face was streaked with tears. Useless, she thought, all she could do was cry.

It was only in the last half of the night, when someone came to relieve her, that Luo Yixia returned to her tent. She didn’t cry anymore, but her heart ached, tossing and turning, unable to sleep.

That night, she wasn’t the only one suffering insomnia. Song Chengyi lay awake too, Luo Yixia’s words echoing in his mind: willing to let him go.

Ha, was she someone who could pick him up or discard him as she pleased?

The next day, as Luo Yixia went to wash up, she ran into Song Chengyi. He didn’t so much as glance at her, simply walked away.

She couldn’t pretend she wasn’t hurt. Wasn’t this situation of her own making?

That day, neither spoke a word, nor stood together. Their expressions were cool, as if they were strangers.

Even Gan Yanyan noticed—were they fighting?

For the last few days, the two maintained this distance.

For a week, they camped and moved, learned theory, and practiced. When those final days arrived, everyone felt reluctant to leave. A month—neither long nor short—had forged bonds among them.

Through this military training, the students had grown closer.

On the last day, as everyone packed to return to school, a sense of nostalgia pervaded. They had complained about this place, yet now they were loath to leave.

Luo Yixia boarded the bus, resting her head against the window as it drove away.

These days, Song Chengyi had acted as if he were a stranger. Of course—proud as he was, after what she’d said, how could he not be angry?

But why? Wasn’t this better? Why wasn’t she satisfied?

The kinder Song Chengyi was, the more uneasy she felt.

No reason—she still loved him. Yet she’d said those things.

She didn’t want to hold him back, didn’t want him to settle for her, useless as she was.

Besides, he’d said he’d always disliked her.

“Xia Xia, what are you thinking?” Gan Yanyan waved her hand before her face.

“Nothing, just tired. I want to rest,” Luo Yixia forced a smile.

“We’ll be home tomorrow. Tonight, we’ll have a party—finally free!” Gan Yanyan stretched lazily.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Yu Bin from the back seat called out.

“I’m stretching, sorry!” Gan Yanyan retracted her arm, embarrassed, having accidentally hit his head.

Back at school, preparations for the evening party and dinner began. After all, the instructors would leave tomorrow, and tonight was their farewell banquet.

Every class started booking restaurants.

Finally, the two classes led by Song Chengyi decided to throw a barbecue party.

Everyone was busy.

The girls had to prepare ingredients.

Luo Yixia took on extra tasks—keeping busy seemed to stave off unhappy thoughts.